And I'm not a fool

I saw my frozen angel again, her icey water tendrils reaching out to me. Her hugs didn't hurt this time because my skin had gotten just as cold as her.

She looked at me and smiled.

She talked to me about something, offered me a ticket out of this world. A painless descent into the afterlife without worries. 

She offered me salvation.

Offered me hope.

Companionship.

A way out of the loop of my lonely, routine life.

Only a fool wouldn't take this opportunity.
And I'm not a fool.

melancholia.

melancholia.

What I wouldn't give for a twisted descent into the afterlife

The frozen water has consumed my life. I've become mesmerized by its constant presence in my house. At points I wondered if this was just my delusion or if others could see it. I stopped worrying when I realized that nobody visits me, so it's not like anyone would discover it.

I'm just alone, with my thoughts and ice.
What I wouldn't give for a twisted descent into the afterlife.

Yet, it's still torturous

After that incident I found myself  awake in front of my former girlfriend's house. I don't know how I got there or how I survived the previous incident but I guess I must've lost time for a second, like some sort of odd disassociation disorder or something.

Apparently I had already rung the bell because she came to the door. I didn't say anything, nothing needed to be said so I just apologized for the inconvenience and left.

I walked home on a river of ice.

I've come to stop questioning my existstance,
and find this madness commonplace.
Yet, it's still torturous.

Because nobody cared about a different

I saw the frozen waterangel again at the mall. This time I'm sure I was awake. She spoke to me, told me her name.

Her name, spoken from her beautiful icey lips was music to my ears at the time. Melancholia, such a delightful name for such a beauty.

She proceeded to hug me, her subzero degree arms burning my skin. It hurt, so much so that I screamed in the middle of the mall.

Melancholia let go of me, which felt like such a relief but I still had cold burns on my body. She planted a kiss on my lips. Her lips felt so soft and wonderful, for about a few nanoseconds until the cold started to settle in. My lips froze and I thought, no I hoped that I would pass out from the pain.

But, I didn't.

She left me there lying on the floor at the mall in agony. The people at the mall walked right past me, looking at me like I was crazy. Even going so far as to telling their children not to look at me.

Why didn't anybody help me? 

Because nobody cared about a different.

Except living

My therapist says I'm under a lot of stress. What stress is he talking about? I work at a convinience store that barely anyone ever visits. I have no social or love life what so ever and watch tv in my spare time. 

How can I be under any kind of stress?
I don't do anything.

Nothing at all.
Except living.

I never really do

i'm not sure what is happening anymore. I was watching TV in the living room when suddenly, the walls began leaking. Like water emerged from the walls and ceiling, filling up the apartment.

I tried to swim for the door, but I couldn't. Some kind of stream kept pulling me towards the other end of the apartment.

Freaked out, I swam as fast as I could towards the door until my muscles were numb and I could only feel pain. 

After a while, all of that went away like nothing had ever happened.

I thought that I'm just starting to have really intense daydream, but it felt so very real and my muscles are still numb.

I don't know. 
I never really do.